Are we still married on the Other Side? My husband’s ex is a real piece of work. —MJ, Houston.
I appreciate many organized religions have strong views on marriage, and if these views resonate for you, I respect that. What I was saw were two souls coming together, so that their partnership could be a vehicle for different lessons to play out. Let me add, what I observed suggested to me that many marriages are designed to be finite—to reach an impasse. The fact it would end is agreed in advance. The manner in which it would end (be it death, infidelity, or a vaguer sense of growing apart) is also designed to offer each party more chances for spiritual growth.
Virtually no-one is left unchanged by a relationship breakdown, and that not only informs the people we are, but the partner we might become to someone else one day. Imagine a classic love triangle for a moment. Now, picture three actors gathered for a table-read of a script. One might elect to work on jealousy and possessiveness, another on self-worth. The third party who arrives might agree to play the role of a catalyst who doesn’t stay, but sparks a revelation or ushers in a new dynamic. Other times, this third person builds a life with one of the partners, that goes on to flourish and become permanent.
When you see your partner on the Other Side—and his ex—you will each remove your mask to see that you were playing a role. In the meantime, look to the outcomes for the internal lessons. Without wishing you heartache or frustration for a moment, MJ, how have you grown as a result of your interaction with this person (or simply knowing of their existence)? Have you gained deeper insights into trust or self-worth, or tolerance? Have you learned about your partner in more nuanced ways? What changes have you experienced in your own personal growth, and your growth as a couple?
My father suffers Alzheimer’s. He was an academic his whole life. This seems especially cruel, and it’s affecting how I see the world. —Tom, Boston.
I feel for you, Tom. My father had dementia and it was equal parts tough and poignant to see a man who valued education and intellect to seemingly become a shell of himself. I say ‘seemingly’ because my father, like yours, was experiencing this affliction temporarily. What we saw with our earthly eyes was markedly different to the way Dad’s soul was experiencing it. His soul is ever-wise, ever-patient, and all-knowing.
Please understand that I don’t seek to minimize this for a moment. I am simply saying, respectfully, to consider the possibility that they chose this final experience before heading home. When my father crossed, he slipped out of his dementia as easily as we might slip off a heavy winter coat on a hot summer’s day. While he was in the midst of this cognitive decline, Dad was gifting us chances to stretch and grow. Perhaps one child became a fiercer advocate for his needs, or another was more watchful and patient. His care also sparked reflection and conversation about our own wishes, should we experience the same diagnosis. I ask gently: What if your father’s final months or years are his way of leaving you even more spiritual insights? What an incredible legacy.
If we choose to have people in our lives who challenge us and make our lives difficult (through Soul Contracts), do they not have to revisit the pain they caused in a Life Review? What about children who are born into a family who abuse them, or a husband who is violent? Is this all ok when we return to the other side? —Liz, UK.
Liz, your question goes to the heart of our challenges here. Thank you.
The people who cause us pain absolutely have a Life Review (as do we all). And they will not simply watch it passively as a movie but will see and feel the impact they had on others. At the same time, there is an overarching, deep understanding—and acknowledgment—of the contract those souls entered and the roles they agreed to play.
There is simply so much nuance to discern when it comes to the love, wisdom, and compassion of the Other Side, that as humans we struggle to fully grasp it (and of course, I count myself in that). I would never want to sound flippant about something as serious as family violence or child abuse (and by the way, I used to be a child protection worker).
But on the Other Side, we see ourselves and others much more clearly as actors. This infuses a certain distance between the character we played most recently on earth, and the reality of the loving souls we actually are. If we watch a movie or a play, we wouldn’t harbour anger or resentment toward the villain, no matter how evil, once the credits roll or the curtain falls.
Allow me to clarify: I don’t believe anyone chooses to be abused, and of course no-one ever deserves mistreatment. But it is possible that we design to arrive here in a family where one soul chooses a Life Theme, say, of impulse control or anger management. As they struggle and strain to make progress in this area, others in their lives can clearly pay a price. And I offer respectfully, they too are offered a chance to grow. Some will find their voice and stay, others will leave after multiple attempts, and some will become mired in escape routes such as alcohol or drugs (I appreciate that as children, they may well experience the devastation of being both voiceless and choiceless, long before they can articulate this.) Still more will see a pathway forward in becoming an advocate for others, later in life. Again, this does not mean they deserve their mistreatment (and nor can claiming so, ever be an excuse by the person who planned from the Other Side to overcome impulse control).
Ultimately, it really is all okay when we return to the Other Side. (I understand why you might be startled or angered by that suggestion. It seems as though tormenters ‘get away with it,’ and that naturally sounds infuriating. But where the very ‘air’ we breathe is undiluted love, we cannot hold on to negative human emotions on the Other Side. Nor is there any desire or need to do so.)
This post is part of our series of blogs on soul plans by Alicia Young. You can read her previous posts HERE.