Melodies of Grief

The following is an excerpt from Melodies of Grief Written in the Key of Love by Maggie Willes Spaulding. Part memoir, part self-help book that offers a roadmap to understand and heal your grief. Maggie shares her heart-wisdom by chronicling her journey after the devastating loss of her 27-year old son, Mitchell. Melodies offers healing through inspired poems, insights, and therapeutic tools. Each chapter offers the reader hope, comfort and the realization that you are not alone.

"Melodies of Grief is far more than a book of inspired poems and beautiful photos. It is part memoir and part self-help book that has the potential to propel you to your own transformation."
Suzanne Giesemann
Author, Spiritual Teacher and Evidential Medium

Chapter One
Symbolism: My Feathered Guide

The black crow’s gaze was piercing.

I sat on my back deck seeking comfort outdoors as I stared aimlessly into the trees. The air was humid, muffling the sound of my thoughts and those coming from inside my house. 

Then I spied him. He was perched on top of a tall pine—a statuesque sight, but also an ominous one. His onyx feathers shimmered with the sun as he stared at me as if understanding my pain. 

Did he have a message for me?

I didn’t want to think about my real-life trauma that was unfolding on the other side of the brick wall. A casual observer might associate my “ill fortune” event with this black crow’s arrival, for there was no other logical explanation for what had occurred. 

In reality, I didn’t have the strength or courage to say out loud, or to anyone, that my youngest son Mitchell had just died unexpectedly. He was 27 years old. I wondered if the black crow knew this and was bringing his solemn presence to comfort me. Perhaps it was his way of creating a healing space as I sought peace outside during those mournful moments.

Inside the house, there was noise, commotion, life was continuing on in full force. People I had not heard from in years were calling, wanting to know how I was doing. I had no words for them. I just could not talk.  

A good friend and a neighbor volunteered to plan Mitch’s funeral since I had no family locally. Both received intuitive signs to help me and my husband with this daunting task. My neighbor saw a bluebird fly from her yard to my yard. This prompted her to walk over and ring the doorbell.  My friend had a strong sensation that I needed help so she called me. I was uncomfortable at the beginning because I didn’t feel like having people around me. However, they both provided comfort and assistance. This was a blessing in disguise.

They were on their phones in my kitchen arranging burial details. I was assigned the task of going through all the photos of Mitch for the funeral. It was an emotionally draining task, especially during my fragile state, but it needed to be done. I was the only one who could do it. Deep inside my heart, I wanted people to feel and see Mitchell’s beautiful life at the funeral.

Funeral for my son? I still could not comprehend such a reality.

People were bringing food and flowers and their questions. “How did he die? What happened?” We were not certain, but we had suspicions. And we were not prepared to speak about them.

Planning your child’s funeral was never in any of the parenting books I ever read. Yet, here I faced this daunting task. I indirectly resisted participation as my way not to accept the gut-wrenching truth, that my son was physically dead. But, of course, I also deeply wanted to honor him.

I had questions, so many questions about why it happened. Why didn’t I see the signs? The “why” just kept spinning around like a gyroscope. I longed for answers that made sense to me, but nothing surfaced.

That May afternoon marked the beginning of a new journey for me—one that began without my consent. I slowly and cautiously moved forward on the first day of my new normal with deep sadness in my heart. My son’s death had already changed my life. I just didn’t know how much change was going to take place. 

Several years passed and the image of the large black crow perched in the tree, staring at me, has often popped into my thoughts. I never actually saw that black crow on the tree again, yet his visit on that day felt powerfully symbolic, and I felt called to better understand its significance.

Black crows are often associated with death and darkness. While its appearance came when a shadow descended upon my life, I do believe the crow’s symbolism was much deeper. 

I discovered that black crows are also viewed as good omens and can represent positive meanings, like transformation, fearlessness, and adaptability. The symbolic association between black crows and death can also represent an opportunity for soul awakening.

I have come to feel that the black crow that visited me was a mystical sign indicating my life was headed for some type of significant transformation. He symbolized to me that I would overcome the obstacles of grief and find answers to the questions I was seeking about life and death.

In some traditions, black crows have the ability to bring prophetic gifts of insight with tenacity and persistence. These gifts would turn out to be helpful on my “inspired quest” that I formally began on the day the feathered guide visited me on my back porch.

Soon after my son’s funeral was the first of many occurrences that led the way to a powerful spiritual awakening. My husband and I were both drained by the funeral and struggling emotionally. He was impatient with me about small things, and our tempers flared. 

And then I heard a voice in my head: “Don’t let Mitch’s death be in vain.”

The words repeated themselves. “Don’t let it be in vain…  Everything will be alright.” 

Little did I realize this chorus of words at the beginning of my healing journey would manifest in so many ways. This heartfelt desire to make meaning of his death set the framework for Universal Consciousness to activate my future potentials and possibilities.

The wheels of my new life were already in motion. The only way was forward, into the unknown and uncharted territory of healing my grief and making sense of what seemed to be a senseless death.

Mitch’s death would not be in vain.

Here is one of the Maggie's poems featured later in the book, Melodies of Grief:

Tell Me Why

Tell me why
A question asked
Many times
While present
In the valley of grief.

Walking alone
In the days afterwards
Along an endless path
Created mentally
With all thoughts
Of the world
Resting on my shoulders.

Thinking and questioning
Getting my mind
In a whirling tizzy
Frustrations heightened
Especially at night
For sleep never came easily.

Not sure how it happened
Looking backwards now
Synchronous signs present
Of angels guiding me
To a place of stillness
That I didn’t know existed.

‘Twas only a moment
But peace and love
Embraced me
Like a loving parent
Perhaps
It was my ethereal mother
Comforting her daughter
Who just lost
Her youngest son.

Acknowledging
Life continues on
Felt my ethereal son’s love
Growing stronger
Moving together
Accepting without questions
I’ll be okay now.

Maggie Willes Spaulding

Maggie Willes Spaulding has lived in Brentwood, Tennessee, a suburb of Nashville, for the past 40 years. She was born and raised in and around Chicago. Maggie attended Eastern Illinois University where she met her husband, Mike Spaulding. Two years after college graduation, Mike and Maggie married. They raised three sons together. She also pursued a 35-year career in the healthcare industry as an IT Computer Systems Analyst.

It was the sudden death of her youngest son, Mitchell, in 2015 that began her mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation. This occurred over a couple of years while she was learning to heal her grief. During that time, Maggie became a certified yoga & meditation teacher, an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, an Affiliate Leader for the Tennessee Chapter of Helping Parents Heal, and a certified psychic medium.

She also created the Just Be Holistic Healing company dedicated to helping people heal their emotions from grief and loss. Her blog offers inspiring poems for those seeking comfort and guidance after loss. You can find out more at her website, where you can contact Maggie to schedule a grief coaching session or a psychic mediumship reading.