The following is excerpted from Crossing the Rubicon by Heidi Connolly.
The days and nights before we met
I felt a great event horizon
Then you smiled and I crossed the Rubicon of my being
Onto the shores of your love and magic.
–Randy Connolly, 1996
We’ve all heard, He’d want you to be happy and She’d want you to move on, but when you’ve “lost” someone, let’s face it, it’s not that easy to let go. At least not until you are one hundred percent clear about two things (and even then it only gets easier).
One: Your loved one still exists, even if it’s on another plane and in another form. Only when you accept this truth are you free to move into a new kind of relationship with him or her as a spirit being by letting go of the relationship as it existed between you in human terms. Naturally, going forward in this direction is a choice that only both of you can make together as you see fit.
Two: Continuing to love your partner as he/she was in human form is the stumbling block to allowing a new kind of relationship to flourish.
Walking through life holding onto someone as they were is precisely what obfuscates—or even cancels out—your ability to move into the spiritual relationship you want, one that by necessity will be founded on an entirely new set of constructs. In both cases, the old adage That which you resist persists may be cliché, but fits.
Clearly, I was being advised to let go of my own fear of moving on. Clinging to Randy in human form (steel-willed and highly sensitive, the guy with the perfect ear lobes and lips, the researcher of everything under the sun, the dreamer who’d always wanted to publish—who knew he’d get his wish quite like this?—and the man who loved me above all else) made me feel as if we were still together somehow. If I let the man go, if I “moved on,” wouldn’t that imply that the love I’d always professed had fallen short of the mark?
Here is what I’ve learned by asking these questions and facing the stark truth.
First, being willing to move on sends a signal that informs the universe that you are willing to cross your own personal Rubicon—that you are willing to keep living. Living is the most powerful statement you can make about the nature and magnitude of the love you shared with another human being. It is your way of honoring the one who died and of honoring who and what you were together. It is a statement that says, I loved you so much, so much more than I even knew when you were alive, that I am willing to live without you—to live through all those moments when I’d rather choose not to.
Second, being willing to move on is like a sign directing you along a path constructed out of the strength of your love. A love that was so great that it now, even in transmuted form, has the ability to propel you as you persevere though each minute of each day in order to live, listen, learn, and love.
It is my most fervent hope that those who read this book, these poems, will open their hearts to the vulnerability and brilliance of true love as Randy and I did.
For those of you on the fence? I can only say, It’s worth it.
May you continue to dream magnificent dreams and awaken to make them come true.
A beautiful landscape scene,
its gentle colors flowing into one another, gives voice to the timelessness of my love.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I thank God
For the day I found you.
To read some more poetic words on the continuation of love beyond death see our post Love and Death, Life’s Most Powerful Forces
Heidi Connolly is an author, medium, intuitive coach, and musician. As owner of Harvard Girl Word Services for over 20 years, Heidi had focused on the work of others and was praised for “channeling the messages” of the authors she worked with, but it wasn’t until her husband Randy transitioned in 2012 and her life took an unfathomable and dramatic turn that she would understand just how valid that descriptor was.
In her award-winning book Crossing the Rubicon, written with Randy after his passing, Randy informs Heidi says that the grieving process can act like a filter to block out spiritual messages—the very messages people crave to hear after a loved one’s death. Learning this truth led Heidi to understand that she was capable of much more than she’d ever given herself credit, including her ability to communicate with the Other Side.
Shortly after Crossing the Rubicon was published, Randy encouraged Heidi to play the flute again after a 25-year hiatus from her classical music career. Shocked but willing, Heidi soon began channeling what she called “inspirationally guided flute music,” embedded with coded healing frequencies. Currently, Heidi’s multidimensional compass is aligned with a practice of intuitive coaching of High Sensitives, musical connection, and living life as a “Vacationing Angel.” Her new novel The Gateway Café (the 1st in her Vacationing Angel Series), about a teenager searching for the truth about who she really is, is available at heidconnolly.com and Amazon.